When I write about the situation I am in, it is so you can understand me when I say to you, it is important to find your purpose.
Purpose means you know that you are
My mentor would say, never quit your job before you move into your purpose, but I haven’t had a job for more than twenty years when I left the country to go on a search. I always worked from moving grounds and never knew where the rent was going to come from. That was ok as long as my husband found me jobs.
Purpose means that nothing else matters
When I left him I did not do that because I had a job in sight, I did it in search for happiness. The reason why most people stay in a bad marriage is because they don’t have to face the fear I am dealing with. I left because I thought I would become a good painter. I was born with a gift and I went to Art School to pursue an artistic career. When people say, “Don’t do that, let’s all become lawyers”, I cannot agree. Art enriches the soul, it is important.
I believe that you can make money from a passion. Some people who are selling art say, “Keep going, it will happen one day”. I followed all the rules, I learned to self publish books, I learned to write blogs, I designed my websites, visited galleries that could hang my work, made contacts with clients, followed up…and this all after the perfecting of the technical aspects of my art. And now I am here. I never built a foundation, I always operated from the energy of lack. I never was secure. I need to heal the first and second chakra and I know it.
I am the creator of my own life as much as I am the creator of my own paintings. I paint my dream and follow it into a reality. I don’t like the life I am living. I did not spend thousands of dollars on paint material, followed all sorts of courses, went into the personal development arena to find myself in this place I do not like. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a complaint, because the house and the area are gorgeous. The weather is fabulous even in the summer. Somehow I cannot make it work for me.
When I was in Miami last weekend I realized that I want to live amongst people, get a job and build truly a life for myself, a foundation from which I can grow. I will have to let go of the painting temporary or forever, I don’t know that yet, even though people say, “Please don’t do that, you have this gift”. I will say, “Yes, and I have more gifts, but it is clear to me that when people are not able to pay for my work I cannot live” If there will be a demand I will pick up the paintbrush, until that time I will focus on Graphic Design as a way to help people to visually communicate their idea’s. I have a need to be useful to people and to not get the response I desire It is not working. Trying harder is not working. I have exhausted my options.