When I write about the situation I am in, it is so you can understand me when I say to you, it is important to find your purpose.
My mentor would say, never quit your job before you move into your purpose, but I haven’t had a job for more than twenty years when I left the country to go on a search. I always worked from moving grounds and never knew where the rent was going to come from. That was ok as long as my husband found me jobs.
When I left him I did not do that because I had a job in sight, I did it in search for happiness. The reason why most people stay in a bad marriage is because they don’t have to face the fear I am dealing with. I left because I thought I would become a good painter. I was born with a gift and I went to Art School to pursue an artistic career. When people say, “Don’t do that, let’s all become lawyers”, I cannot agree. Art enriches the soul, it is important.
I believe that you can make money from a passion. Some people who are selling art say, “Keep going, it will happen one day”. I followed all the rules, I learned to self publish books, I learned to write blogs, I designed my websites, visited galleries that could hang my work, made contacts with clients, followed up…and this all after the perfecting of the technical aspects of my art. And now I am here. I never built a foundation, I always operated from the energy of lack. I never was secure. I need to heal the first and second chakra and I know it.
I am the creator of my own life as much as I am the creator of my own paintings. I paint my dream and follow it into a reality. I don’t like the life I am living. I did not spend thousands of dollars on paint material, followed all sorts of courses, went into the personal development arena to find myself in this place I do not like. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a complaint, because the house and the area are gorgeous. The weather is fabulous even in the summer. Somehow I cannot make it work for me.
When I was in Miami last weekend I realized that I want to live amongst people, get a job and build truly a life for myself, a foundation from which I can grow. I will have to let go of the painting temporary or forever, I don’t know that yet, even though people say, “Please don’t do that, you have this gift”. I will say, “Yes, and I have more gifts, but it is clear to me that when people are not able to pay for my work I cannot live” If there will be a demand I will pick up the paintbrush, until that time I will focus on Graphic Design as a way to help people to visually communicate their idea’s. I have a need to be useful to people and to not get the response I desire It is not working. Trying harder is not working. I have exhausted my options.